Choices

"The angel summoned Mary, betrothed to Joseph, from the rather safe place of conventional wisdom to a realm where few of the old rules would make much sense.  She entered that unknown called 'virgin territory.'  She was on her own there.  No one else could judge for her the validity of her experience."  --  by Loretta Ross-Gotta*

Last week I decided it was time to venture beyond the Bible for my daily devotional reading.  I firmly believe that we each hold part of the truth.  Therefore, other scriptures, and other spiritual writings, hold truths that are just as essential to understand as those in the Old and New Testaments.  I want to find out what these truths are in order to more fully understand God's creation and will.  And I believe I'm on the right track.

This new direction ties together many strands of thought over the last few months.  And, coincidentally, on the first day of this new venture we went to a guest ranch for Thanksgiving weekend that, unbeknownst to me, contained around its beautiful grounds a cornucopia of different faith objects.  There was a Buddha water fountain, a Zen garden, a Native American sweat-lodge, a labyrinth, wall-plaques of Hindu gods  and several different sculptures of Mary and Jesus.  It was the perfect place to begin an exploration of different faiths!

But I'm having a difficult time figuring out what to read in place of the Bible.  There was a great measure of security and comfort in "following passages mapped out by the Daily Lectionary." Those readings were pre-selected by a committee of church leaders from many different Christian denominations, and are used by many, many Christian churches around the world.  I followed their suggestions without much thought, and I loved seeing connections between these passages and my musings about life and faith.

Now, the choice of what I read daily is entirely up to me.  And there are so many choices! There are anthologies of world scripture and other religious writings; there are, of course, books of the individual scriptures; and there are even a few inter-faith daily devotionals.  I had some of these on my bookshelves, but I also searched online, and in a couple of local bookstores.  As I write, I've got a pile of about eight books on the sofa beside me and a couple more on my e-reader.  And I'm still not sure which book, or books, to focus on.  Choice seems to be the problem.

I woke up Monday morning remembering my dream, something I rarely do.  I had been swimming in the middle of a big lake, far from shore, and I kept looking around me, tredding water.  I wasn't panicked or anything.  I just didn't know where to go.  It was like my current dilemma with the books.  Surrounded, but not knowing which one to go with.

As I pondered the dilemma, I remembered another book I had picked up a couple of weeks ago:  "The Art of Choosing," by Sheena Iyenga.  At the time I bought it, I had been thinking again about that incident in which I learned how inter-connected are my mind and body (see Reconciliation).  I am still amazed at how my choice to let go of all the turmoil in my mind, and open my heart to whatever happens, allowed all the physical pain and mental stress to simply disappear.  Anyway, I picked up this book now, and started reading.

Iyenga comes from a traditional Sikh background in which pretty much everything in life, from what one wears to whom one marries, is chosen by one's elders.  In addition to this, she is bound by familial duties and forbidden behaviors.  However, as a psychology research student under Martin Seligman, she learned how essential our perception of control over our environment (that is, whether we have choices or not), determines our ability to survive.   And she wondered if her Sikh tradition, and other similarly restrictive faiths, could engender a sense of helplessness.  This led to a study of how religious adherence effects people's health and happiness.

About the results of that study, she writes, "To my surprise, it turned out that members of more fundamentalist faiths experienced greater hope, were more optimistic when faced with adversity, and were less likely to be depressed than their counterparts.  Indeed, the people most susceptible to pessimism and depression were the Unitarians, especially those who were atheists.  The presence of so many rules didn't debilitate people; instead, it seemed to empower them.  Many of their choices were taken away, and yet they experienced a sense of control over their lives." (pg.26-28).  I can't see myself becoming a fundamentalist Christian, but there is something that both fundamentalists and I have in common -- something that is actually pertinent to my dilemma -- and that is the belief that it is God who is in control.  We also both believe that only by understanding and following God's will, will we be able to find happiness in our lives.

You see, I want God to guide my choices, especially my choice of daily readings.  I want to know that I am following God's word for me on this journey of faith, and am not being "blown about by every wind of doctrine" or even by my own instincts.  Although I've read of many other spiritual people who believe you can simply search within yourself to find God, I haven't yet reached that stage of enlightenment, and I doubt I ever will.  For me, it's the unexpected synchronicity of something from outside of me -- an external event or something I see or hear -- connecting with something deep inside of me -- my thoughts, concerns or desires -- that makes me believe God is guiding my life. This external event that connects with the thoughts I've already had is something that I have no control over

But I worry...Am I only seeing what I want to see?  Over the last few days, some of the books in this growing collection have contained passages that resonated with my concerns, which was pleasing.  But others have not, which was discouraging.  And I began to wonder... Am I creating my own truth?  It's certainly something we humans have the ability to do.  I have read a lot about this recently, too.  One of the more poignant passages I read was from C.G. Jung (coincidentally the person who defined synchronicity).  He wrote, "We do not create 'God,' we choose him."**  One thing I know, I cannot create the synchronicity, but I can choose to accept it as coming from God or not.

On the day after Thanksgiving, I read the essay by Loretta Ross-Gotta quoted above.  It's from a book of essays from a daily Advent devotional our Tuesday Morning Women's Study is reading.  It might just be the one daily reading I didn't choose myself.  I read it on the same day I walked the labyrinth at the guest ranch.  As I slowly walked along the circuitous path, I wondered about the symbolism of labyrinths.  Like a maze, it was impossible to see clearly how I was going to get to the center.  Unlike a maze, however, this singular path has no wrong turnings.  You just keep walking and eventually you get there.  As I continued walking, my mind drifted to Loretta Ross-Gotta's essay.  It is a powerful essay.  The above passage especially resonated with my current thoughts.

Ross-Gotta begins the essay by noting that Mary offered "space in herself for God to dwell and be born into the world." (pg 96)  Although I am familiar with the doctrine of the Incarnation, her words described it in a way that I had never considered before:  literally opening herself up to God.  It is possible for us all to do that.  Ross-Gotta finishes the essay with the words, "Be a womb.  Be a dwelling place for God.  Be surprised."  (pg. 101).  It dawned on me that the labyrinth I was walking on was shaped like a womb.  It was an interesting coincidence.

Thinking about this now, I realize that there is a great difference between walking along a womb-shaped labyrinth and becoming a womb.  One is doing; the other is being.  One requires concentration, effort; the other requires simple acceptance. 

I wonder...can I be like Mary and just accept what God has created in me and around me even though I don't understand it, nor do I know where it will take me?  

I think I'll have to.  The alternative, trying to figure out what direction I'm supposed to take by my own powers alone is just creating confusion and stress. Maybe what I need to do is just wait, relax, and let whatever comes come.

I think about my dream...  A similar response would be to just float on the water, and let the water push me to the shore.  It's what I do whenever I'm in a swimming pool by myself, anyway:  just float on my back and relax, letting the water lap around me, and enjoying the solitude and quiet.  It's very peaceful.

May the Peace
Which Passes Understanding
Be With You 
Always.

Love,
Pam

* From "To Be Virgin," in "Watch for the Light: Readings for Advent and Christmas", pg 97
** From "God in All Worlds: An Anthology of Contemporary Spiritual Writings," edit. by Lucinda Vardey, pg. 11