Unchained

From that time on, Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and undergo great suffering at the hands of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised.  And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, "God forbid it, Lord!  This must never happen to you."  But he turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan!  You are a stumbling block to me; for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things."  -- Matt. 16:21-23

Over the past few days, I have been surrounded with messages about living authentically, living the life we are meant to live, as God wants us to live, as opposed to how society says we should live.  In a book, in a song, in a movie, on advertising, and in yesterday's gospel reading, I saw the same message just worded differently.  God must be trying to tell me something.

Anthony de Mello wrote in "Awakening," that too many of us would rather be unhappily living an illusion than living in reality.  We are taught to value the transitory things of the world:  house, car, money, career, etc.  And, we are taught to place great stock in what other people think of us.  By these means, our lives are controlled.  We are slaves to our culture, and don't even know it.  Jesus broke through these chains.  Everything he did ran counter to the prevailing culture.

In the gospel reading, Jesus is trying to prepare his disciples for the future.  He knows that what the disciples think is God's plan and what God's plan actually is, are two different things.  So, he begins to prepare them.  Peter, who loves Jesus and certainly doesn't want Jesus to endanger his life, tries to stop him.  This is not what the Messiah is about.  Peter had been taught that the Messiah would enter Jerusalem as a conquering hero.  God's plan, however, was very different.  Jesus knew this.

After church, I went to see the movie, "The Help."  Set in Jackson, Mississippi, in 1960, the story is about women breaking free of the chains that bind them.  The culture of this town and time was that black women took care of wealthy white families, while all too often being treated as less than human by those same families.  The black women recognized the injustice of their lives but were too afraid to protest.  They feared ostracism, abuse, and, the real possibility of being killed.  So they lived in silence.  Finally, one courageous black woman is led by God to tell her story, to tell the truth of her life.  Others follow her lead.  Some of the white women also learn to tell their truth.  And as they do this, they are freed from the chains of society that imprisoned them.  For all of them, however, it took a tremendous amount of courage.  They had to be willing to let their old, known, albeit unhappy, lives die first.

Driving home from the movie, I heard one of my favorite songs on the radio:  "Drive," by Incubus.  I haven't heard it in a long time.  The sound is great, but the lyrics are what I love (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slRNXrn_5vE).   The song is about how we let fear take over our lives and drive.  "It seems to be the way everyone else gets around, but when I drive myself, my life is found."  The song was on the radio again today.

I could go on.  There were more, similar, messages.  But you get the point.

I think God is trying to tell me that I let the opinions of others dictate too much what I do and don't do with my life, what I say and don't say.  I know I do this.  I've known it for a while.  But, I am learning.  I have been learning to tell my story for awhile now with God's love and support.   But still, there are times when I am fearful of telling my truth.

I will listen, Dear Lord.  Thank you for the bombardment of messages.  I'm not sure I would have heard you so clearly without them all.  I get it.  Though I may lose my life, I must always live as you have made me to live.  Love always, Pam

Forgiven

Peter said to him, "You will never wash my feet."  Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no share with me."  Simon Peter said to him, "Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!"  Jesus said to him, "One who has bathed does not need to wash, except for the feet, but is entirely clean.  And you are clean, though not all of you are clean."    -- John 13:8-11

I am still thinking about repentance and confession and forgiveness, and these words of Jesus give me some new insights.  This living parable is clearly more than just a tale of Jesus performing a service for his disciples.  There is just too much puzzling language about cleanliness and belonging.  The specific act of service is important here.  Jesus is making a connection between the act of cleansing and forgiveness.

In these few sentences, a distinction is made between those who are entirely clean, and those who are not.  Peter is described by Jesus as "clean", while John makes it clear that the one whom Jesus is referring to as not "clean" is Judas.  We know that Judas is about to betray Jesus by turning him over to the authorities, but Peter, too, will betray Jesus by denying him.  So it is not necessarily the act itself that makes the person unclean.

We know also that Peter is bound to Jesus, heart and soul, though he is sometimes wrong-headed and weak-minded.  Peter's intentions and love for Jesus are pure.  This is what makes him clean.  Judas, on the other hand, plots to find a way to destroy Jesus.  His intentions are impure and his heart is filled with hatred.  This is what makes Judas unclean.   Yet, Jesus bathes all of the disciples' feet.  If we think of this act of cleansing as a metaphor for forgiveness of the particular sins they are about to commit, then we see that Jesus forgives both men -- just as he will forgive those who crucify him.

It is interesting to imagine what is going through the minds of the disciples as he does this.  We know that, at first, Peter balks.  He cannot imagine his master performing such a humbling act for him.  The role of master and servant has been reversed, and Peter knows he is not Jesus' master.  But, Peter must accept.  Though Peter does not understand what Jesus is teaching him about the future, he hears Jesus say, "Unless I wash you, you have no share with me."  Peter does not want to be separated from Jesus.
 
Jesus knows Peter will betray him.  And he is letting him know that he is clean and forgiven, in advance.  After the betrayal, Peter must return to God and accept Jesus' forgiveness in order be fully reconciled to him, and complete the tasks that Jesus has planned for him.  If Peter cannot accept forgiveness, he will be lost.  Just as Judas will be lost.

As when John the Baptist is asked to baptize Jesus, Jesus is teaching his disciples what they must also do for each other.  They must not only seek forgiveness, the most spiritually humbling act one person can ever face, but they must also forgive one another.  For one is not above another.  If Jesus, who is God's chosen one, can humble himself to forgive those who will trespass against him, so should we forgive each other, no matter how humbling this is.  We must forgive, and we must accept forgiveness.  Both acts require a fair measure of humility.

I say "a fair measure" because too much pride, as well as too much humility, can get in the way.  Too much pride is clearly as deterrent to asking for forgiveness, as well as accepting forgiveness.  But too much humility can also be a deterrent.  Jesus loved Judas, just as much as he loved Peter.  At the beginning of the passage in Chapter 11, John writes, "Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end."  Jesus also forgave Judas, just as he forgave Peter.  Perhaps Judas did not understand this, or could not accept Jesus' forgiveness.  I wonder if he felt too unworthy.

Forgiving and accepting forgiveness is what binds people together in community, and what reconciles broken relationships.  Without it, we would not be able to hold on to those we love.

Dear God, please keep my heart open and soft, ever ready to forgive and be forgiven.  Love always, Pam